Theophile the Elder pays a visit to his very old friend. Teresa’s mind is as lively as usual but her body is not so quick now.
– I am so happy to see you, she says. So much ground has been covered, since your childhood!
As for me, I can feel my body betrays me. What am I still doing on this Earth where there is only suffering, I wonder. I feel doubts as to my own usefulness now. My family have better things to do than looking after me.
– I can see you are in high spirits this morning, the Elder says, jokingly.
– It is really depressing to live in such physic and moral conditions. Most of the time, I am suffering, and all my energy has gone. So, what’s the point, she comments, bitterly.
– “All has its raison d’être”, as our old friend often says, Theophile says, softly.
Teresa gets annoyed:
– Existing is okay, but as for the reason, I can’t find it.
Theophile teases her gently:
– Your fighting spirit is still there, I see, which requires a lot of energy.
With a smile, too, Teresa tempers:
– When I meet you, my energy comes back. I feel happy. You, at least, don’t see me as a wilted olden lady.
– You know my secret, don’t you? Theophile asks. I look only at the souls, whether I am with my three-year-old granddaughter or with you. Age makes no difference.
– You are very good at compliments, dear. Returning to childhood, are you? she replies maliciously.
– To the age of innocence, in fact, the one your heart begets, young lady. It is what makes all the difference, he replies.
And so they continue for a while – their traditional ten minutes when they enjoy sharing daily news – until the moment when the sharing shifts into a spiritual dimension. The atmosphere then becomes quieter, silence gains momentum between and even within their words. Hearts communication is now right at the centre of their sharing.
– We have known each other for quite a long time Theophile. You know how difficult it is to practice meditation when you lack energy and pain takes hold of your mind.
– Those are the ‘seasons of the soul’ my dear. Each age has its beauty and its drawbacks. Would you like to be back at the age of your childhood, of your youth, or at any other age in your life?
After thinking over it for quite some time, Teresa replies:
– Spiritually speaking, I would not like to be at any age other than this one. Humanly speaking, well …, that’s another story. At the same time, it has such close links with spirituality!
– Would your life by any chance be the ideal one?
– My soul is delighted, my body follows as well as it can, the old lady answers.
– You have been meditating for more than fifty years now and your connection to the Divine has been established for a long time already.
– It has indeed, but I am not always aware of it.
– You are not aware of the air you breathe, and yet you never stop breathing. It is the same with divine breathing. Without it, we could not live for a second. While ageing, your body and your faculties are inexorably getting worse, whereas your soul grows in strength. More and more, transcendence is inviting you to be close to it. You naturally and gradually become detached from all that is not your soul before becoming in toto a divine soul. Such is the aim of the process. When our soul decides to leave this body, to leave behind this personality, then the ageing process helps us identify ourselves totally to our soul as we are getting detached from our body, from our personality and from all mundanity. When that work is achieved as it should necessarily be, we reach ‘liberation’ at the very moment we leave our body.
– I’d rather be liberated before I die, as it happens during meditation when we somehow die to ourselves, and get totally absorbed into the Divine.
Anyway, it still remains difficult to ignore a body that makes you suffer continuously. Pain takes up too much of my attention, Teresa regrets.
– Pain refines our sensitiveness. I can tell you that, thanks to it, I have become more humble, more compassionate, and better at understanding my brothers and sisters.
– For a woman, for a mother, pain is a daily companion, as she will care so much for her children, her husband and her family, she adds.
– Chariji used to distinguish pain and suffering. Pain is objective, he would say. We can measure it, whereas suffering is more subjective and depends on the attention we pay to it. It is more psychic.
– Can you elaborate, please?
– It all depends on the level of attention, of consciousness our being has reached, Theophile explains. In Raja Yoga, we talk about five coverings, from the denser to the subtler ones. Some persons talk about the five bodies: our grosser body or the physical one, the body of our energy and nervous system, our mental body, the body of our higher mind or abstract body, and our causal body or soul (cf. koshas).
Do you want to try and exercise in dealing with the five coverings?
Still interiorized, Teresa gently closes her eyes.
– Let yourself be absorbed into the light in your heart as you know so well how to do it …
Get in touch with your radiant soul …
Let it absorb all your inner space …
You are That …
Let emerge the observer in you …
Consciousness spreads out within you … on all levels of your being …
Observe your mind as it is connected to your heart … the feeling of peace and harmony that emanates from it.
Light absorbs your soul and wraps your whole body in love.
– Thank you Theophile. I do feel at peace with myself, in a state of grace. But how could I keep that state? It is so difficult for me, as the level of my vital energy is so low. My whole body is affected, and so is my mind, so are my emotions. I feel so exhausted, physically exhausted.
– That is what makes your being mature spiritually. You consider yourself as a soul that is experiencing human life, whereas most people see themselves through their personalities first, through their bodies; their minds and their emotions. We must attain that instant in our lives when we can see everything through our souls, without letting our ego or our personality interfere and distort reality.
– After having meditated for more than fifty years, and being close to Masters, I can say I no longer fear death. I must even say that there are times when I long for it in order to escape a daily life that has become so painful and so useless, Teresa says with a sigh.
– Excuse me, sister, but that very desire shows that you are not quite ready yet for the Great Journey.
– Do you think so? What makes you say that? What signs show whether I am ready or not?
– When your soul is in a state of equanimity and considers your being down here or beyond in an equal manner, that is a first sign. The second sign is when you understand and accept that whatever your soul has to live, it has a meaning for yourself and for the Divine.
– I can’t see the point in being bound to one’s chair and being a burden to the people around.
– Does your family give you the feeling they’d like to see you away?
– Of course not. They like me, Teresa vows.
– And what do you give in return?
– Well, I know. I like them too, for sure. Et since I am not short of some free time, I let love and compassion go through me. I pray quite a lot, in fact. I have all the time I want for that.
– So you spend your life in His Presence, praying for everybody! Theophile exclaims.
– You have always been good at addressing women, haven’t you? You are a soul charmer, Teresa says to him with a laugh.
– It is so easy with a pure and luminous soul such as yours. You just have to bend down and pick it up.
– “Sweetheart, let’s see if the rose that this morning had open her crimson dress to the Sun …. Teresa hummed maliciously.
– If you like, I will tell you a song of the heart:
“To live of Love is offering
Without asking for anything.
It means you love and will ever give more love,
Supported as you are by that burning flame.
It cannot wane and should resist
Against wind and tide.
Such love will make your life more beautiful,
Giving it its true sense.
Love attracts love,
Beautiful souls are sensitive to it
And so they contribute to spreading love,
So that it may touch an increasing number of hearts
Ready to welcome it and live it intensely.
It transforms your being and attracts Divine Grace.
It unfolds its wings high up in the sky
Where wonderful Beings happily welcome it.
That is the way a magic bond is created,
The bond of a Victorious Love.”
Anonymous
– Such songs directly touch the soul. They are a delight, Teresa whispers, spellbound.
– What did you feel when you heard it?
– I just forgot my self completely. I was all gratitude and praise.
– Angels exult whenever we praise God. Love is their nourishment, as it is for children too, for your little ones, and your great-grandchildren, when they receive that love from your pure heart.
I am going to show you something.
With much gentleness, Theophile says to Teresa:
– Close your eyes, please. I am going to show you the weave of humankind, of creation, of the effect of love and of the blessings that go through your heart.
– Teresa’s beautiful face lights up, and they both remain absorbed in that deep eternity’s silence, in the communion of souls.
Theophile the Elder
An excerpt from Dialogs with Theophile the Elder
Meeting Teresa